Spiritual Abuse Is Based On Dominance & Control
Spiritual abuse can have devastating and long term consequences for the victims of this type of abuse. Because it does not leave physical evidence, it is more difficult to define, prosecute, or escape the abuse.
The methods of dominance and control often involves excessive guilt, threats, scapegoating, and the use of force. The victim is treated as bad, inferior, or subhuman – requiring intervention and punishment. This is how the perpetrators justify the abuse, which is a similar pattern seen in domestic violence. It is all about power, dominance and control.
They want to force you to surrender your mind, your thoughts, your identity, and your will to them, and the demands they make.
Spiritual abuse is defined as a form of religious trauma used to control, harm or scare the victim into obedience or subservience. It can also be used to exploit, entrap, make demands upon, and force involuntary gratitude.
The tactics used are shaming, brain washing, false accusations, thought reform, scapegoating, twisting scripture, and excessive amounts of manipulation and deception. This is all carried out from a place of profound superiority, judgement, and by placing themselves on a religious pedestal. They are filled with pride over their own religious beliefs, even though they are clearly unbiblical, and off-base.
Nothing can shake their arrogance, or position of absolute power. They are untouchable, and above the laws. They can do whatever they want to do, under the dark cloak of their dictatorial religious disguise.
The resulting psychological, emotional, and spiritual trauma is deep rooted, and long lasting, as it is designed to be. It takes many years to unravel this kind of abuse, as it is often foisted upon the victim by a person with power, authority, and more respect in the community than the victim has.
Millions of people have been subjected to religious abuse over the centuries. It affects those who are born into cults, are deceived into joining cults, to family violence, and abuse of power by those in families, schools, churches etc.
The victim faces an uphill battle to disentangle the mess that results in this type of bondage, and illicit use of force. The scars, and patterns of coping with such abuse can, and will adversely affect the person’s health, and every relationship in his or her life.
Unfortunately such abuse often leads to a complete rejection of all religion, instead of simply rejecting the wolves in sheep’s clothing, without blaming it on God.
God has granted all of us free will, especially when it comes to what we choose to believe. God never forces a relationship, never deceives people, and does not abuse anyone. Therefore to misplace the blame, and allow the perpetrator to destroy our faith, is an outcome the enemy wants, so why let him win?
The purpose of religious abuse is to destroy. It is intended to destroy our soul for all eternity. It is intended to destroy our faith, and trust in God. It is evil masquerading as good. It is the ultimate deception.
Their objective is to molest your mind, without facing consequences.
What they view as powerless, makes you an easy mark. They use classic, well honed bullying tactics, and have no shame when attacking a weaker person.
They believe their motives are cleverly concealed, when in reality, many people question what is going on, and how the relationship came about. The lies cannot be denied, when brought under the least bit of scrutiny. In addition, many people were witnesses to the use of force, or obvious conflict of interest, and abuse of power.
All of your relationships, especially family relationships, become pawns in their game.
There is a strong financial motive, which is paramount when choosing their targets.
Those who inflict such trauma and abuse onto others, often go unpunished, but the bible assures us this type of abuse, and devious deception, will not escape God’s wrath.
It usually takes years before the victim can identify, and articulate the abuse they have been subjected to. They may be deceived into thinking they deserve the abuse, or must adapt to the conditions that have defined their life. They have been indoctrinated with a false belief that they have no choice in the matter.
To help identify the abuse, some key points are to be examined surrounding the relationship with the abuser or abusers.
The use of guilt and shame to control behaviour.
Strict gender roles with a strong emphasis on male superiority over women and children.
Fear based teaching, including fear of rejection.
Excommunication and shunning.
They will alternate shame and humiliation, with telling the victim they are very special, and God’s gift to them. If there is obedience and compliance, they are very proud, and as a victim, it makes you even more special. They believe this false praise will increase the attachment to them, and provide a temporary increase in self-esteem. They are so puffed up with their own self importance, they will attempt to control a person’s self-esteem, using these deviant tactics. It is all based on intentional, willful manipulation and coercion.
They do not view it as victimization. They actually believe you deserve the abuse, and will mock your gullibility. They view this as a clever way to deal with errant disobedience, and what they view as the need for intervention. They are proud of what they see as outsmarting a victim.
Repression of critical thinking. You know it is wrong. It makes no sense, but yet you are powerless to change the lies, shaming, scapegoating or outlandish claims.
Physical, sexual, financial, psychological, or intentional infliction of emotional abuse. This includes the domination, power and control used to cover up prior abuses.
The intentional degrading of a person’s self worth.
The refusal to take no for an answer is a dehumanizing example of those who abuse power, especially when they will not take no for an answer from another adult.
The refusal to allow the victim to set healthy boundaries.
They will instil a belief that they have a right to oversee, monitor and punish you. They will lock an adult into the role of a helpless child.
Gaslighting, to include attacking your memories, and your mental health for refuting their lies.
Manipulation, including the skillful manipulation of others to carry out their agenda.
Ganging up on a person, using manipulation, lies, and undue influence by those with more power, and authority than the victim has.
The power over another adult’s decision making. This is a major red flag. They are assuming they know what is best for you as an adult, when they have no right to take such a stance. Clearly from a spiritual perspective, such people do not even know what is best for themselves, let alone anyone else.
Taking away resources, including internal resources, and the trust in our own instincts, which allows us to recognize and avoid danger. Our instincts are critical to maintaining personal safety, autonomy, and self care. The abuser wants to rob every available initiative, including our trust in our instincts, in order to disable, and destabilize us. This warped method of attack, then serves to justify the shaming, if the victim fails to cope. They rule, yet all failure is attributed to the victim. How diabolically convenient.
The intentional infliction of trauma leading to complex PTSD, and difficulty navigating life’s difficulties
The creation of intentional barriers that prevent healing, forgiveness, and the right to address the family of origin issues, abuses of power, and truth of the past.
The contrived and deceptive cloak of religious authority. They take on the role of the faux daddy-god.
The victim is ordered to have reverence and gratitude for the perpetrator, as though he is some sort of deity.
They will deny your past, while simultaneously locking you into an abusive past.
They will incessantly lie about their relationship with you, claiming falsehood upon falsehood.
The notion that a religious authority can condemn a person to eternal damnation, hellfire, or judgment.
The notion they can turn you into a complete outcast, and separate you from God, if you refuse to remain in a relationship with them. They set themselves up as a false god over your life.
The attempt to set up, or create a pretence that the religious authority, or perpetrator, is a member of the victim’s family, when clearly – they are not. Cult leaders do not magically become family members.
The attempt to keep us constantly busy serving them, and becoming a slave to their demands in every way. They will put you to work for them. They insist you serve them, and give endlessly, yet they give nothing in return. They think a pat on the head is a sufficient reward for serving the deity.
The false claim that they are your adoptive family, is expected to be taken as the ultimate compliment. It is another way they mimic, and mock the truth of the true believer’s adoption into the family of God. There is no greater arrogance, or wickedness, than taking the seat of God, and proclaiming themselves to be God over another person’s life.
They will speak for God, not only through twisting scripture, but they will also proclaim what God told them to do about your life. Beware of anyone who tells you “God told me to adopt you.” or God told me you need intervention, punishment etc.” Do not believe anything they claim God told them to do. By all standards, including Christian standards, such claims are psychotic. People have committed atrocious crimes, based on what they claim are commands from God. We get our instructions on how to manage our own lives through the bible, and through prayer. God does not give orders to anyone to take control of, or seize hold of another person.
They actually believe they are what gives value to your life. They are your pseudo-saviour and rescuer. Except they are not attached to the bible, or to the boat. In reality, they are attached to the beast and the boast – as in being some sort of arrogant supreme beings.
They will use your empathy against you, and accuse you of hurting their feelings if you refute their outrageous lies, or try to set a boundary.
They will shame you for thinking your mother is your mother. Or for asserting who your family is, because they push the lie that they are family, while simultaneously denying the obvious truth.
They pretend to be normal, which is beyond comprehension, based on their actions, deception, attitudes, and brazen exploitation.
They will seek avenues of collusion within a fractured family, under a cloak of secrecy, and will plan your life behind your back, without even consulting with you.
They will plot to move in with you, and control every aspect of your life. This includes when and what you can eat, when and if you can go for a walk, and even when you can speak, and what you can talk about. They will control the narrative, and will obliterate your history, to create a fabrication of who you are, and where you came from. They are masters at coercive control.
If you complain about them, there is something seriously wrong with you, because they are so wonderful.
They have their own family, but they are so selfish, they have to infiltrate and create a pretence of also being the victim’s family when there is no relation whatsoever. This makes it so the victim has no avenue to escape them, as they will show up and take a place of pious importance at every family function. They will attach themselves to you with crazy glue.
Identity assault. You are not who you think you are. The perp defines who you are.
They shame your existence, especially your mother, as the origin of your existence.
They will violate almost every Commandment, yet you are supposed to view them as being superior Christians, or godly men.
They will shamelessly corrupt many systems in the process, whether it is a school, church, government ministry, or corporation they involve in the scam.
Brainwashing and the repeated intentional infliction of emotional abuse is a form of torture.
The perpetrators are sadistic in nature. They are unrepentant bullies. They will not stop the abuse when asked to. They will not admit to wrongdoing. They will not listen to your pleas to be released from the abuse.
Sadly when such perpetrators manipulate others into doing their bidding to continue such abuse, they form a cult mentality involving many other people.
This list is only a brief outline of the many vile spiritual, psychological and emotional abuses that a power abusing perpetrator can inflict on a victim.
In every way, they are attempting to impersonate God in your life. Nothing could be further from the truth, but deception is the name of their game.
When a person is subjected to such abuses, it is a life sentence. Even though you may escape the trap, by the grace of God, others in your circle, and family circle, are still ensnared by the lies and abuse of power.
If lies are repeated often enough, they are believed by other people. If those with power have corrupted other people into the pseudo-religious, and spiritual abuse of another person, or a family member, often people who know about the abuse, do not have the courage to stand up to the abuse of power.
They are con artists. Every view and angle, is a con. They will set you up time and time again.
For those who are saddled with lifelong, and invasive spiritual abuse, it is an albatross like none other. How many lives, and families such selfish tactics have ruined, is anyone’s guess.
When it comes to forgiveness, religious abuse spanning years, or decades, must be one of the most difficult things to forgive. It is not only a matter of a transgression against the flesh. But it is a profoundly disturbing trespass against every level of our human existence, to include all relationships, especially our relationship with God.
Spiritual abuse is specifically designed to take away our identity in Christ, and our trust in Him. It is an extremist version of complete, soul destroying annihilation. Therefore, it is among one of the worst things anyone can do to another person.
From my own experience, being subjected to, and escaping such an abusive trap, it is not to be taken lightly. In my case, it was a macho teacher in a small town school who took on the role of a religious abuser.
It all began when I was a teenager, and student in a public school. He did everything I have described in this article, and more. To make matters worse, he embarked on the scheme just weeks after my younger brother was killed in a car accident – so of course, I was spiritually and emotionally vulnerable.
In my case, the teacher was not the least bit subtle. He used force, threats, and was a sadistic bully, even when I repeatedly pleaded with him to leave me alone. He stalked, and followed me around inside, and outside of the school. He forcibly confined me for hours on end many times. If I tried to run away from him – he chased me, and went ballistic with rage. He was the ultimate tough guy authoritarian. He was also a pathological liar.
To be clear, I did not ask him for anything at any time. I did not want a relationship outside of school, yet it was 100% obligatory. I felt I had no choice but to be polite, and adaptable in order to finish my education, and be able to be accepted by my own family and community. All I wanted was a normal life of some sort, especially a normal family life.
For many years, I believed, and prayed he/they would just mellow and drop the facade. I knew the truth was known to many others, including them, as it was very obvious. So how could this situation become so impossible to get out of?
I thought perhaps I could talk my way out of it, and reason with those involved. But, you cannot reason with spiritual abuse, and ingrained lies. You cannot point out the incontrovertible proof, because they shut up their ears, and will not listen to a word of it.
Even though you do not want to confront them, expose them, or ruin their reputation, they give you no choice. Just as it is with all other aspects of the relationship with them, they will not stop even when you do go to the the authorities. It takes multiple attempts, and a massive battle to get them out of your life once and for all.
For these reasons, my advice to those who have been victimized by spiritual abuse, turn away from it as soon as possible, shut that door, and lock it with chains, and deadbolts. Go to the authorities immediately, even if you fear retaliation.
Never allow them into your life again, in any capacity. Those who abuse power to such an extent, are push in predators. If you open the door a crack, they will push their way in, and invade your life all over again. This is one of the aspects that makes forgiveness so difficult. We can forgive, but we cannot allow them to take over our lives again. The bible clearly tells us to avoid such people.
Put your trust in God, and your identity in Christ where it belongs. This is a battle we cannot endure or fight on our own. It is a spiritual battle. Throughout the course of it, we may have to conclude we ourselves are weak and powerless.
But in truth, the perpetrators are powerless, because God has the power, and complete victory over every spiritual battle and stronghold.
I am eternally thankful to God for His power, and knowledge over all things. Nothing is hidden from God. We can give the burden of the years of spiritual abuse to God, and know he will protect, and save our soul.
Thankfully, this taught me that those who are steeped in the doctrine of dispensationalism, and hyper dispensationalism, are false teachers, heretics, and carry forward a litany of destructive falsehoods.
Of course they can believe what they choose to believe. But to force themselves onto others, especially a student in a public school, under a false teacher, false authority, and false religious pretences – is an unacceptable abuse of power, is unbiblical, and unlawful.
God will not permit anyone to destroy our soul. It is an example of His omnipotent power and love, and His divine promise of salvation, which by grace, He has given to those who put their trust in Him.
As far as the perpetrators are concerned, we must pray for their souls too, and pray to be shown the way to forgiveness and mercy.
Ephesians 6:12
Copyright Valerie J. Hayes and Quiet West (2024). Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author/owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Valerie J. Hayes and Quiet West with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.