Stalkers – What Causes This Type Of Harassment?

There is little doubt that stalking is a crime that affects men as well as women. However, the majority of cases involve men stalking women. The ratio is about 80/20 according to randomized studies.

No one really knows the true scope of criminal harassment, since most often the stalker and his victim are known to each other. The highest percentage of cases relate to ex-partners, sometimes with a dating relationship as little as two weeks.

A significant other number of women are stalked due to incidental exposure to an obsessive and unhinged type personality. It can be a co-worker, a teacher, a coach, a neighbour, or a casual friend that becomes your worst nightmare.

There is also a victim profile that comes into play, yet is poorly understood. Part of the problem is the whole “pursue and conquer” mentality in male/female and dating relationships. The woman is supposed to be submissive, and play hard to get, and the man is expected to be dedicated, in his hot pursuit of the grand prize.

Certain books citing rules of dating, place an emphasis on cultivating the archaic “pursue and conquer” mentality. Some of the people who are stalked by an ex, in hindsight might realize that the person was way too aggressive, and fast-moving from the beginning. They were flattered initially, and then became overwhelmed with so much attention.

Without a doubt, a high percentage of stalking cases go unreported, mostly because the stalker and victim are known to each other. The victim does not want to cause trouble, or harm a reputation. Or the victim fears she will enrage him even more if she reports him. Often he faces no consequences, while her risk goes up exponentially.

The entire psychological strategy on the part of the stalker – is to dominate, cause fear, and get attention. In my opinion, the source of their vile rage is because you reject them, avoid them, and don’t want to have anything to do with them…I believe that is the crux of it.

One early warning sign in my own experience, is when a person makes constant efforts to encounter you. For instance, if you live in condo and are running into the same person every time you come and go, check the mail, take the garbage out etc. – yet you don’t run into anyone else on such a regular basis, you have to wonder why this guy is trolling the building.

There are red flags surrounding inappropriate and invasive behaviours and attitudes. Pay heed to those red flags very early, and adjust your routines.

It becomes a power struggle with the victim trying to avoid the stalker, and the stalker getting increasingly determined to make sure she cannot avoid him. He is also reinforced by any reaction he does get, especially fear, anxiety, stress or anger. He then has an emotional connection, and knows he is getting through to you.

Stalkers are supremely self-centred and aggressive. They quickly become pathologically obsessive and determined to win. They will not take no for an answer. They want to intimidate you, because that puts them in a more powerful position.

From the annoying and persistent suitor, to the dangerous lunatics who stalk and kill their victims – there is a source of the problem that both men and women need to examine.

Single women living alone do not have a male protector. For some, it elicits a predatory attraction. Our society is still very focused on the safety and security of marriage, which is a good thing. But we should be equally focused on making sure single people can live life without being stalked or harassed.

Stalking is to be differentiated from writing letters, emails, or contacting an authority, or leaders of an organization, in order to resolve a problem, give warnings about a serious situation, or seek justice. In these situations, there is communication aimed at bringing attention to, and resolving serious and damaging issues.

Stalking on the other hand, is very personal, and is a type of psychological warfare. It is a method of constantly seeking contact with someone who is trying to avoid you. It is alarming after awhile. It is threatening and pervasive.

Stalking has a warped love-hate polarization, with more hate than anything. It is repeated unwanted communication, and the attempts to force an unwanted relationship. It is the persistent refusal to take no for an answer.

Stalking is the ultimate cat and mouse game. It is an abuse of power over the psyche, safety, and emotions of another human being. It shadows your life, and they know it. Even if you think they are gone, as long as they are alive – you know they have a persistent and stubborn determination to force themselves on you.

The psychology of stalking is complex. I do believe all people should respect the rights of others. Stalking is an overt, and covert way of showing a complete disregard for the rights of the victim. Stalkers see themselves as superior, and the victim as an object for their wrath, to be punished, exploited, possessed, and toyed with. They want to find a way to be in charge of the victim’s life.

I think it is best not to respond to such a person in any way, other than to document and report the incidents. The stalker is seeking a relationship, and if it is a relationship of conflict – in his mind, it is still a relationship. So disengage completely. It often involves changing routines, routes, patterns, and predictable behaviours – while simultaneously observing patterns in his behaviours.

Once you determine some of his patterns, you can develop better strategies to avoid him.

Stalking is a bigger problem than what is reported. You don’t have to be a celebrity to be stalked. It can happen to anyone, in any age group. It is a form of bullying. Who usually becomes the target of the bully?

I vividly recall the high school teacher who followed me around long before there were any stalking laws. One night he chased me through the bush, and when I tripped and fell, he grabbed me by the arm and half growled, half panted: “Don’t you EVER run again. You will NEVER get away, ’cause I will HUNT you down.” I think this guy might get into the Guinness Book of Records for the length and scope of his hunt.

I believe the crux of the problem is fundamentally about rejection. For some people, rejection causes rage. The reprobates who have been rejected a great deal in their lives, can develop a rage toward any form of rejection. Such a person is transferring an intrinsic rage relating to their own inability to relate normally to people. They project blame onto their victim based on their own insecurities and fear of rejection. They are also often steeped in fantasy, attributing or orchestrating a false attachment to the victim. They want to be in control, yet they are the most likely to lose control.

When thinking of what kind of people become the victims of bullying, he/she is often the smaller, weaker, unprotected, inferior, poor, objectified, and downtrodden pitiable sod, who is easy to mock. If it is easy to mock and degrade a person, it is easy to smack them around too.

Or paradoxically, the stalking victim is the celebrity. Or the smart, accomplished, confident, and outgoing person who lights up a room.

If you happen to be a bit of both, it might be like a bull’s eye on your forehead for the primitives!

All I can say, is that I cannot wait until it is judgment day for the stalkers!