Book Impressions ~ Dangerous Personalities By Joe Navarro
Author of this book Joe Navarro, is a former FBI agent, therefore a high percentage of what he became familiar with is on the extreme end of the spectrum of human behaviours.
This includes serial killers, cult leaders like Jim Jones, and many other nefarious criminals.
He claims that only 1% of dangerous personalities ever face criminal charges. He gives examples of what various people have written to him about spouses, family members and co-workers. He provides a very long list of narcissistic traits. Talk about a score card!
The next section is on unstable personalities. However, without a viewpoint on whether or not there is addiction, substance abuse, and childhood trauma – simply pointing out character flaws, is not going to help the individual, or those who have had to endure the volatile behaviours.
I am only about half way through it, and find it to be quite tedious. Maybe because I recognize many faults of my own, and am deeply sorry. Also because there is always another side to the story.
Without a doubt, there are some very damaging personalities and behaviours. All types of assault, as well as psychological, emotional, and spiritual abuse can have a devastating and long lasting impact on a person’s life.
Deception and rejection leads to deep-rooted betrayal. If there is never any acknowledgement or willingness to abandon the lies about another person’s life, how can there be healing? How can a person set healthy boundaries if they are dominated, coerced and controlled – then punished for finally setting a boundary?
When faced with a refusal to take no for an answer, or the respect for a basic boundary, it means the oppressed person will have to resort to whatever they can, to get out of the situation they are in. This can end up fracturing the tenuous relationships. It is easy to blame the battle on the oppressed, not the oppressor, because the oppressor has more power, more resources, and often more people in his camp.
When faced with long term human rights violations, boundary violations, all of which are dehumanizing, it eventually leads to open rebellion.
Many boundaries are set legally, such as physical assault, vandalism, theft, etc. So to avoid detection, those with predatory inclinations will resort to coercive control, deception, and emotional and psychological abuse, to include gaslighting, accusations, contempt, intimidation, isolation, and rejection.
Is the person who experiences these things likely to handle all of it with grace? Not likely.
There are some very maladaptive reactions. One example is when a person threatens to commit suicide if they don’t get their way. The only response is to simply call 911 and have them face an involuntary admission, because if this tactic works for the person, they are likely to use it again and again.
I ordered this book in the audio format because it creates less eye strain than reading, especially in the heat. But there is a difference in tone, and even in comprehension, when listening to a book being narrated versus reading it in print. The voice of the narrator with the various intonations, voice pitches, and emphasis on certain words, creates a pattern of its own.
The Scourby KJV audio book of the bible is very well narrated. If a narrations has too many volume changes, it is difficult to set the volume to listen quietly without it being too quiet at times to hear, and if you turn it up, the quieter tones can be heard, but the louder ones become too loud. If you listen to a narrator with a very even tone, it becomes monotonous and boring. There is definitely a knack when it comes to providing a good reading.
In addition to preferring the Scourby narration, I also could not help but notice how much the bible focuses on love, forgiveness, and healing, as opposed to labelling.
The Dangerous Personalities book gives a list of at least a hundred traits of the narcissist, and then moving on to the unstable personality, added at least a hundred adjectives.
But what is the solution? Maybe that will come in the final chapters, but I am not holding my breath.
When it comes to narcissism – yes it is a problem for many people and relationships. However, when it comes to human achievement, some of which is quite remarkable, all of those people had to believe they could do it before they did it.
Is every single exceptional human achievement born of narcissism and grandiosity? Surely it must be difficult to handle fame and success with humility.
Those who come from adversity, instability, and traumatic childhoods do not want to repeat the cycle, yet that is exactly what happens in the majority of cases.
The weaknesses and character flaws we see in loved ones, does not boil down to a list of adjectives. If you see fifteen of these traits, it is a problem, and if you see sixty of these traits, run for the hills. What difference does it make if a person has fifteen, thirty, or sixty traits?
If there is a problem in relationships, the list is not going to help any of them. It might lead to more denial, or a tit for tat type of reaction, with each side accusing the other of having various traits. Those adjectives are mostly subjective. It might assist an employer to identify toxicity in a work environment. But I don’t see how it would help with general interpersonal relationships.
It might be better to address very specific tangible evidence based issues. Like the person was seen, and caught on camera vandalizing someone’s car. Or stealing the money from a tip jar. Or spreading lies about a co-worker in order to derail a position or promotion. That way there is a specific issue, documentation, and a way to address it. If the employee demonstrates a clearly defined pattern of toxic behaviours, eventually they add up, giving good reasons for dismissal. In my opinion, it is better to focus on the evidence. If you reeled off a list of narcissistic traits, it could create a defence of character assassination.
Things are not that cut and dried. Most people do not have the luxury of solitude, which differs from isolation, and loneliness – if it draws you closer to God. In fact, the majority of people never get a chance to embrace solitude without all the noise, conflicts, and battles that stem from the fracturing of past relationships.
The central message of the Gospel is to repent, and love one another. It does not tell us that only certain people need to repent, but rather – we all need to repent.
Examining conflicted human behaviour doesn’t help us gain much understanding or wisdom, unless we can see our own flaws as well.
There is without a doubt some very abnormal psychology. Certain people delve into the dark side, and keep digging a deeper hole. If solitude is used to cultivate bitterness, rage, occult practices, and is combined with role playing games, weapons, fantasies etc. it is a catastrophic recipe.
For most human conflicts, it is a battle of control, boundaries, escapism, emotions, and fallibilities. These things can be overcome with repentance, forgiveness and healing, and a heart inclined toward love.
The bible tells us in many places “the just shall live by faith”. We do encounter some very challenging situations that might be beyond our scope of understanding, or ability to reach past the pain, or the wounds.
If we ourselves are repentant, willing to forgive, and prayerfully submit all important relationships to God for healing, I believe we can trust Him to be our intercessor.
Just as we resist being controlled by other people, we have to acknowledge that we cannot control them. God knows our hearts. He knows our circumstances, our histories, and the absolute truth of our lives. No one else really knows these things.
Jesus is our Saviour in all ways. Healing requires belief, trust, faith, truth and surrender. As we abandon our old ways, and begin to cultivate the fruits of the Spirit, we have hope, not just for the change in ourselves, but for the capacity of God’s love to overcome all obstacles.
The book Dangerous Personalities was a topic I thought might be intriguing, but it is not. The reason it is not, is because it attempts to be all encompassing when it comes to identifying difficult human behaviours. It is like there are two parallel roads with no bridge to the other side. Are all the people on one road the bad people? The jerks? Are all the people on the other road pure as the driven snow, lily white, and the goody two shoes darlings?
Yet in reality, the people on both of those roads lead lives that intersect at every crossroad, and often merge in their homes, businesses and communities. One instigates, the other reacts. It is not black and white, us against them, like this book is portraying.
One single story showing the many shades of grey, the galaxy of crossed motives, the endearing qualities, and the fatal flaws of the characters, provides far more insight into human behaviour than a list of adjectives or character traits.
Without a doubt there are many very difficult personalities in this world. Often out of a group of fifty people, it is the same one or two people who cause the majority of the conflicts. In many cases, a person who is a habitual liar, or a master manipulator will create more havoc and conflict than all the others combined.
Some people are more driven to gain an advantage over others, more aggressive, callous, devious, ruthless etc. They probably do not realize it yet, but none of those things can be hidden from God.
The human psyche in my opinion, is not that clinical. We consist of body, soul and spirit. The devil wants to control our mind. If we accept Christ, His Spirit heals, and protects us from those tactics.
Gradually I have a better understanding of what it means to walk in the Spirit. It is a breath of fresh air. Redemption and sanctification is a miracle. Nothing can block the Spirit of God, and the power of His word.
There is hope for all of us if we accept Jesus as Saviour. I believe it is the only solution, and the only way we can escape the darkest traits of human behaviours with all its pitfalls – and walk in the light.