What Is Hate & How Is Hate Defined, Felt & Expressed?

December 10, 2025  | Valerie Hayes  | Health & Wellness, My Story, Thoughts & Ideas, Valerie Hayes, View All Articles & Photos

From a Christian perspective, the greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind. The second greatest commandment, is to love our neighbour as ourself.

For the most part, hate is subjective and difficult to define. We can safely say things like “I hate broccoli, or I hate snakes.” But we cannot extend those comments toward people. It appears we cannot express comments toward symbols either, without risking an accusation of hate. 

Where does hate come from? I think the origin of hate is multi-faceted. Sometimes we hate people because they hate us. 

Hate must be the opposite of love. It is a lack of acceptance. Rejection. Intolerance. Coercion and control. The insinuation is that the hated person’s life does not matter, and has no value. There is judgement and condemnation. For a person who is hated – there is an attempt to blot them out of existence. They have no power, and they have no say. They are lesser than other human beings, and may not even be considered to be a human being. 

Martin Luther King Jr. delivered this famous quote in a sermon he gave in 1957:

“Hate begets hate; violence begets violence; toughness begets a greater toughness. We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

I do know what it feels like to hate someone who had no regard for my rights as a human being. I hated a person who forcefully took command over my life, and brainwashed me into believing my mother was evil and wicked. He was extremely authoritative, self-righteous, religious, domineering, and arrogant. He caused tremendous damage to all of the relationships in my family. Why did he do this? Who knows? He clearly had a very selfish and hidden agenda. 

It would be fair to ask why this young religious zealot teacher in a public school, hated our mother so much? He did not even know her. In fact, I don’t think he ever met her. So what was the origin of his hatred?

In fact one of the things he repeatedly said, was that she was “non-redeemable”. He would act like it caused him pain to have to say such a thing. What kind of Christian says something like that to a kid about their mother? It was not like I could get up and walk away from him, even though this occurred outside of school. Any rebuttal on my part was considered to be a defiance of authority, which led to punishment. His objective was to maintain the false claims, and false authority over me for my entire life. He forcibly confined me for hours on end. 

For the record, our mother had far more integrity than the teacher did. She also accepted Christ many years before she died. She was redeemable after all. Where in the bible does it say that any person is non-redeemable? 

How and why a person can hate someone they have never met is beyond me. Was he using hatred and derision toward her, purely to manipulate me? The gaslighting was constant, and at the time I did not understand what he was trying to do. It made me cringe. I told him he was sadistic. He never batted an eyelash. He was prone to prolonged staring, which I now know is a method of intimidation. 

If you can shame a person’s history, and origin, you can effectively turn them into a blob of malleable slime, to be shaped into what you want them to be. That would be my first guess. 

What the teacher did to my life was a thousand times more abusive than anything I had ever experienced prior to him targeting me. There is nothing in my childhood, and formative years that came close to the depth of this lifelong attack on my mind, spirit, career, and relationships. He was determined to break me, to crush me, to take control of my mind and thoughts, and ultimately – to destroy my faith. His aim was to take on the role of both daddy and God in my life. It was all about control. 

He not only shamed me for who my mother was, but also for what I dared to think. Countless times he would tell me how deeply offended he and his wife were if I even dared to think “that wicked woman was my mother”. They would pretend to be hurt, so it would stir up empathy for them. He would say she does not deserve to be a mother. When all of this began, this teacher was twenty-eight years old, and was obsessed with a teen-age student in a public school. 

She was my mother, and she raised five children. She faced insurmountable hardships, to include multiple open heart surgeries. The teacher did not know about, or even superficially comprehend the tribulation she faced in her life. 

Prior to the teacher coming to teach at our school, he was unknown to me and our family. He was a complete and total stranger. He got nothing but stranger as time went on. He was a pretender in every realm. As time went on he pretended to be a low key, absent minded professor. But he never changed, or repented, or stopped lying. Nor would he ever accept a single boundary. 

Our mother was of Swedish heritage, and it so happened, I looked very much like her. People would comment on it all the time. They would say I was the spitting image of her. Our Swedish grandmother nick-named me after our mother when I was a toddler. This made the teacher’s attacks on our mother profoundly personal. Those were poorly disguised attacks on me as well. 

Worse yet, for years I had to pretend to view this person as some kind of deity. It got to the point where I could not even look at him without feeling nauseated. If I did not look away, I thought I might puke in his face. How does a person control such a visceral response?

For many years I did feel the emotion of hatred toward him, especially over the lies, the shaming, and the attempt to take over my identity, denying my history, and the family I was born into. He wanted to believe he had raised me, which was absurd. I was ordered to be grateful for this intrusion, and all the lies. Most of all I resented his constant negative brainwashing about our mother.

More importantly, my acceptance in my own family was conditional upon submitting to the lies of the teacher, pretending to have raised me. It was so far-fetched, I could not understand how anyone could believe it. I was never at any time under his jurisdiction. It was a scheme. 

He was a religious fundamentalist, yet he was denying the fifth commandment, which is to honour our mother and father. He was a walking contradiction as far as being a Christian is concerned, yet he was so superior to me, I was expected to view him with reverence, gratitude, and unquestioning authority. 

There is no rational place of forgiveness in my heart for this person. I surrendered the feelings of extreme disgust, and the power of forgiveness to God, because I do not have the capacity to do so on my own. 

I came to the conclusion that even though I completely reject the years of lies, shaming, bullying, coercion, identity assault, relational damages, exploitation, gaslighting, and brainwashing, I no longer feel hatred. I no longer carry the profound sense of injustice within me, or it would burn a hole in my soul.

I did manage to let it go, to an extent anyway. Although we are told to love our enemies, at this point, I can only say I feel an indifference toward him. I thank God every day to have that man out of my life, once and for all. I know he will face judgement one day, like anyone else. 

I do not wish harm upon him, or his family. I just wanted him out of my life, which was very difficult to do. As it turns out, I believe there can be what many would describe as hatred for harm done, but see it as an emotion central to a healing process. As much as I no longer feel hate toward him, I can honestly say that I do not feel love toward him either, which means I still have a way to go. 

The bible tells us to pray for those who persecute us, and to love our enemy, because it is easy to love the people we love. Yet it is very difficult to love those who have caused us a great deal of oppression and grief. In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus said in Matthew 5:43-48

43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

The ability to forgive and love our enemies does not come from us, it comes from Christ, and requires maturity, as well as a dependancy on God’s Spirit, not our own feelings.

Children who are abused need time to heal those past traumas. The healing often does not fully resonate for many years. More than anything, the trauma has to stop. The relationship has to be terminated. Healing does not happen if someone is continually rubbing salt in the wounds. So I do believe some feelings of hatred are understandable. 

Once we do get free, we are not supposed to ever go back to a yoke of bondage. Galatians 3:24-25 and Galatians 5:1

24 Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith.

25 But after that faith is come, we are no longer under a schoolmaster.

1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

It is not the fact we have a range of feelings. The more important thing is learning how to deal with them, and developing self-control. Working through the sense of injustice, and coming to terms with the lies is something we internalize for a long time. But if we externalize the anger to the point of violence, or revenge, it becomes destructive, and unlawful. 

It is important for the system to take victimization seriously, and hold people accountable, because not all people internalize their hatred until they find a way to let go of it. 

In more general terms, if we seek the truth, and expect to see evidence of things claimed, how can the request for evidence be construed as hate speech? For instance, if someone says more than eighty-five churches in Canada have burned down in recent years, we know there is at least an element of truth to those claims.

We read about it in the news, and many of us have actually witnessed it in our own communities. But what if someone claimed more than a hundred people died in those church fires? If people refuted or denied such a claim, and demanded proof – would it be considered hate speech? Probably not. Both truth, and proof are fundamental to maintaining faith in our justice system. Truth should never be construed as hate. 

In a similar vein, if someone claims to have adopted a child, it is a legal process, and is on record, so it can easily be proven. A legal adoption is very difficult to get out of. You can get divorced five times, but a coercive adoption of an older child, is nearly impossible to get free of. Even lies about a pseudo-adoption are very difficult to untangle, because if a lie is repeated often enough, people begin to believe it. 

We also hear about people claiming to be Indigenous so they can get the associated perks. Once again, these people use false adoption claims, which can easily be refuted. Making false adoption claims is fraud. 

People do not get to arbitrarily claim to be married to someone they have a crush on, without there being an acknowledgement they are mentally ill and delusional. Wishful thinking does not morph into reality, without the consent of the other person. 

Everyone has the right to give their own testimony, set the record straight, and back it up with evidence, or witnesses. We are not obligated to live someone else’s lie. 

We are all under the laws of the land. The only exception to this is spelled out in Galatians 5:22-23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

There are many different interpretations of certain biblical passages. Some people believe the Jewish people are separated from the Gentiles, and treated differently according to God’s plan. They may also believe there will be a rebuilding of the temple and a return to animal sacrifice.

But for those who do not believe in those interpretations, and believe there is one body of Christ, and that Christ was the ultimate sacrifice, which means there is no need to return to animal sacrifice, would these beliefs be considered anti-Jewish? I don’t see why. Yet it seems certain beliefs are so loaded with triggers, they get people’s backs up.

Personally I do not believe any group of people should be treated with hatred, or false accusations, regardless of what they believe in. Peace can only be achieved by sharing the gospel, which is a message of peace, love and good will. If people reject it or do not believe it, leave them alone. If they have an alternative belief they wish to share with us, they have the right to do so. 

Where do we draw the line? There must be respect for free will, and divergent beliefs. If any organization is violating human rights, forcibly confining, coercing, bullying, or abusing power over weaker people, they should be held accountable according to the law. Religion should not be a cover for mistreating, punishing, entrapping, and abusing subordinates.

What about people who block access to abortion clinics? They will likely get arrested, because regardless of our beliefs about it, we do not have the right to interfere with the choices other people make. I think an organization could offer assistance to those who are seeking alternatives to an abortion without transgressing any laws.

What about public prayers? Personally I believe if public prayers, and Christian ceremonies are to be banned, or restricted, then all religious ceremonies should have the same restrictions. However, each religion should not be denied a place of worship, a church, or a gathering place. Otherwise the right to thought, belief and opinion, as well as religious beliefs, and freedom of association, are all being infringed upon.

As a Christian I know God cannot be taken out of the equation. He is here with us in Spirit, and in truth. Nothing can change God’s plan, usurp His power, or take away His words, no matter how restrictive the secular world becomes.

History is rife with persecution of Christians. Yet no matter how bad it got, the bible, and believers  prevailed. Even though millions of Christians were martyred, it did not put out the fire, or the power of the gospel message.

I have seen YouTube videos where street preachers go to pride parades, or other secular venues, and then use loudspeakers to preach wrath and damnation. For the most part it seems to stir up strife, confrontation, and conflict. Some of those preachers sincerely believe they are out there to save people, but they are misguided.

No matter how zealous a person is, they are not responsible for “saving” non-believers. People are saved based on a sincere, and personal belief in Christ. Some people believe, and accept the gospel of Christ at an early age. Others go through many trials and tribulations before they accept Christ.

Others may never accept Christ as Saviour. For those who believe they are going to browbeat people, or preach fire and brimstone to scare people, perhaps they should examine their motives, and the limits of their own influence.

All Christians, some of whom are false Christians, must examine their own conduct, their own sin, and their own motives, under the light of scripture. They are being deceptive, if they use selective scripture to judge and condemn others. They tend to ignore their own need to repent. 

Have they lied, deceived or manipulated people in any way? Are they proud and self-righteous? Are they judging others? Are they acting out of love? Are they being meek? All of these things require self examination, and repentance. We all fall short of the glory of God. 

The bible tells us to walk away from those who do not want to hear the gospel message. It does not tell us to use any kind of force. Matthew 10:14

14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.

In my opinion hate crimes involve intimidation, fear, assault, shaming, deception, cruelty, humiliation, threats, a refusal to accept boundaries, name calling, cursing, harassment, punishment for setting boundaries, and dehumanizing, or objectifying people.

The undercurrent of many hate crimes operates under the radar. Emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse leaves no visible wounds or scars. Mistreatment is not always carried out in public or online. It is carried out in homes, communities, care facilities, schools, foster care, and behind closed doors.

The perpetrators of hate crimes, coercive control, and dehumanizing others, know how to create a pretence of innocence. Therefore the essence of hate crimes and the concept of prosecution must take a broad perspective, without a sole focus on social media.

I believe that first and foremost, children must be protected from being objectified, manipulated, coerced, and abused at all levels. Emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse of a child is every bit as harmful as sexual abuse.

Hatred is not always defined because it can be hidden from sight. It is very easy to blame the victim, or pretend to be a do-gooder, when there is a hidden agenda, targeting an innocent person for destruction, exploitation, rejection, and hatred. Often this is manipulated to influence others to do the same thing. Corruption is contagious. 

I sincerely wish there was a way to prosecute people who abuse and dehumanize others, especially children, and those who are weaker or disadvantaged.

If laws are created with a focus on inhibiting free speech, or specifically to target bible believing Christians, it could do far more harm than good. As Christians we should examine our motives, read the bible for ourselves, and seek God’s will in our lives, without fear of what man can do to us. We are told to be gentle, meek and firm in our beliefs, not overbearing, arrogant, or authoritative.

If we are faithful, we do have the assurance of God’s protection over our lives. Even if we are forced into isolation, nothing can separate us from the love of God. Romans 8:33-39

33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth.

34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Amen.

Copyright Valerie J. Hayes and Quiet West (2025). Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author/owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Valerie J. Hayes and Quiet West with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.