Is Deception On The Rise? From Identity Theft To Online Scams
Deception always has been part of human nature, but it seems to be increasing exponentially with the widespread use of Internet shopping, dating, social media, and banking. The scams are becoming increasingly sophisticated and realistic.
One of the more disturbing scams is SIM card swapping, because it is something we seemingly have no control over. The scammer contacts the cell phone carrier, and manages to convince them to swap the SIM card, which enables him to take over your phone.
It is one thing to have to be vigilant when it comes to phishing emails, phone calls, and text messages, but the thought of someone taking over your phone without your knowledge, is one of the worst. It takes away the protection of two factor authentication, because the scammer would be able to intercept the two factor authentication.
For the most part, we should not have to lose sleep over it, because the cell phone carrier requires a pin number, and usually a security question. Most of them will notify you if such an attempt is being made. However, many people have been victims of this crime, and had their bank accounts drained.
An iPhone has settings that enable you to block phone calls, and text messages from unknown callers. It notifies you about the blocked call. In addition to Amazon scam calls, shipping, and CRA, there has been a more recent one from a fibre support company, which I have read online, is another scam.
In addition to blocking unknown callers in the settings, you can also set the screen time, so your phone goes blank and requires you to enter the six digit PW at whatever interval you set it at. I used to leave it open for a lengthy period of time just for convenience, but have changed the setting to every 30 seconds. It would prevent someone from taking over your phone if it is stolen, or SIM swapped. Just make sure to use a PW that is not easy to guess.
The change to 30 second intervals also prolongs the battery life significantly. Changing the settings has stopped the unwanted calls, and changing the screen time also provides peace of mind, knowing that 30 seconds would not be enough time for them to try and access any accounts.
The other day I got a phishing scam email pretending to be PayPal citing a high ticket purchase I did not make. I promptly forwarded it to phishing@paypal.com. They acknowledged receipt of the email within a few minutes.
If you examine such emails, you will notice discrepancies in the email address, fonts, and logo. They may be minor discrepancies, but they are a red flag.
Sadly, we cannot safely click on any links, or assume that any email we receive is legitimate. Be especially wary of emails or texts that requires an urgent response. They want a knee jerk reaction, before you have time to examine it, double check, or go straight to the source.
There are many shipping company spoofs now, to include Canada Post, DHL, UPS, Fed Ex, and Amazon. In all cases, it is best to login to whatever account it is, and check, without responding to the email. If the scammer has included a tracking number, you can go to Canada Post, or UPS and put the tracking number in to see if it is valid. If you are not expecting any packages, you can be pretty sure it is a scam.
The same goes for accepting FB friends. I don’t use FB anymore, but have noticed that a high percentage of romance scams are initiated on FB. There are many trolls. FB gets hacked on a regular basis.
Dating apps are a whole new ball game. There are success stories from some of the encounters, but you can be sure those are people who are keen to meet someone local, who they can meet with in person.
Once the in-person meeting takes place, both sides have so much more information to work with. They can see how the person presents him or herself, and if it is the same person they viewed online. They will soon get to meet some of their friends and family.
They have a better chance of determining if what they portrayed online was truthful or not. Most of all, they have the benefit of intuition, attraction, face to face conversation, and chemistry, as a foundation for a real relationship. Part of establishing relationships, is to see what you have in common. Interests, hobbies, sports, faith, fitness, educational background, values, work ethic, etc.
They can see what the other person orders, how they order food and wine, how they interact with waiters, if they pay the bill willingly, if they tip, and whether or not they are warm, confident and relaxed.
They can see if they are glued to their phone during a meal, which might be a sign of cell phone obsession. It is a common problem that interferes with direct communication. People who are always on their cell phones often avoid face to face interactions, and conversations without frequent interruptions.
Chemistry is not always a sign of good things to come. It can mean a lot of things, from lust, to feeding off each other’s weaknesses, to genuine attraction. There is often good chemistry, based on mutual attraction. If a person can sort out the chemistry messages, and how they jive with the rest of the information, it can be a good start.
A frequent red flag is when one side or the other, or both parties get caught up in the proverbial whirlwind relationship. It can be a heady, and exciting time, but it is likely to burn out just a quickly, or worse yet, indicate a lack of boundaries, and an unhealthy entanglement.
In my opinion, the long distance online romances are the riskiest. If the couple can actually meet in person within a reasonable time frame, it reduces the risk.
If the relationship is online only, without meeting in-person, and leads to love bombing, and rapid escalation, it is a major red flag. It is more like an addiction, because the person becomes attached to an illusion, which might quickly become destructive.
There is something to be said about the appeal of online relationships for some people, because they do not involve close interpersonal exchange. It could be that people who are seeking such relationships, are at some level, wanting to avoid in-person, touching relationships.
Sort of like the people who seek out relationships with prisoners on death row. They don’t have to worry about a real relationship. They can be in a relationship, while still being single. They can be a lifeline, and be important to someone, without having to go the distance. They can be a heroic empath, without the traditional strings attached.
A retired airline pilot fell in love with a woman on death row, and left his wife of thirty-five years to marry his lover. They could not get married in the prison, or have conjugal visits. He stayed in a hotel near the prison, and went out and bought a mannequin. He also bought a wedding dress for the mannequin, and then carried out a mock wedding, pretending the mannequin was his bride. He filmed himself dancing with the mannequin.
A woman who had given several hundred thousand to a romance scammer did something equally as outrageous. She and her online scammer got engaged. She paid $42,000 for a wedding ring he had purchased. It turned out to be a fake $10.00 ring, which made her mad. Her hands were swelling, and she believed he had put a hex or a curse on her. She started to get suspicious of her lover, and told him so, accusing him of putting a curse on the ring.
Just to show how innovative these guys are, he then got in touch with a pal of his, calling him a healer. The healer, dressed in shaman like garb contacted her, and told her he would remove the curse.
She had been to multiple doctors by this point, with no relief. The healer told her he would cure her, but she had to send him several thousand dollars. She sent the money, and he told her to urinate in a pot, and then boil it on the stove. When it was boiling, she was told to put an egg in the urine. And that was it. If that didn’t work, the next cure would cost more.
She finally got fed up and cussed him out. He probably laughed. You can see how it can affect the person’s mental health.
Rule number one – don’t be fooled by flattery. Be especially wary if someone calls you their queen. Rule number two – the person whose pictures you are looking at, may not be the person you are talking to. If it is a scammer, for sure it will not be the person you think it is. Rule number three – why would a 30-40 year old, attractive, physically fit man be interested in a 65-70 year old woman? Once again, don’t be fooled by flattery.
And finally, why can’t the person on either side of an online relationship meet someone closer to home? If they cannot attract someone at the places they hang out, like the pool, gym, church, seniors centre, pickleball court etc. etc. then chances are, they are not going to genuinely attract someone online.
People tend to be attracted to people with similar traits. Fitness, success, confidence, and movie star good looks, will seek the same in a partner. If you see a mismatch, you should question motives.
Do people really fall in love online without ever meeting the person? Or is it a pipe dream? It is pretty clear that a strong emotional attachment can develop. However love is more than emotions. There is an element of logic.
Love and marriage is a partnership involving choices, decisions, mutual trust, and finances. Who we choose as a partner is the most important decision of our lives. It is not wise to make the choice within a matter of weeks, especially if you have never met the person. It is bound to lead to broken promises, and a broken heart.
For years, older women used to warn younger women about men, telling them, “they are only after one thing” referring to sex. But now, younger people have to warn their aging parents, and grandparents, letting them know their online paramour is only after one thing – their money.
The escalation of romance scams seems to be inextricably linked to mental health, grief and loss, loneliness, addiction, and a cross contamination of sorts. The victim is crossing signals related to dopamine, and endorphins, as mood elevators, with an attempt to replace something they have lost, and really miss.
They open themselves to deception, and also have to engage in self-deception. They like the flattery, even though they know it is not genuine. It makes them feel good, therefore they want it to continue.
From that point on, they have entered into their own James Bond movie, or Harlequin romance. As soon as the victim falls for all the love bombing and flattery, pledging a lifelong commitment to a total stranger, the scammer knows they have them hooked.
The next phase is the money phase. By the time the victim starts sending money, there has been multiple red flags, they chose to ignore. The request for money is a huge red flag. How does a person who claims to have a high paying overseas job, or is in the military, all of a sudden need money from someone he has known a few weeks?
If you listen to some of their stories, it is truly off the deep end. Many of them claim to be in the military, stationed overseas, or they work on oil rigs overseas. At least, that’s their story.
The drama revolves around sudden accidents, missed flights, re-deployment, kidnapping, fending off sharks, frozen bank accounts, supply chain problems for big business deals, and getting arrested. They also typically claim to have millions of dollars, but the money is tied up for whatever reasons.
They claim to have money, to convince the victim they can, and will pay them back. They make grandiose claims, like having a suitcase or box full of cash, and gold bars. They make multiple promises to send all the imaginary loot to their victim.
Even if the scammer did have large sums of cash, wouldn’t she realize that money laundering is illegal? You cannot move huge sums of cash and gold bars from country to country, without explaining where it came from.
Then there is the fact he is requesting bitcoin deposits, or gift cards. But most of all, why would this person be so dependant on someone he just met online, if he was a legitimate and competent human being? My first question would be – but what did you do last month?
Another tactic they use during the grooming process, is mirroring. If the woman was married to a pilot in the past, they might be a pilot too, or have a small plane or helicopter.
If she was married to a farmer, or grew up on a farm, all of a sudden the person will send images of farming. If she is a devout church goer, so is he. He wants to pray with her, sing to her – and delve into every aspect of her life that has meaning. It is all to create an illusion of attachment.
They will like the same music, same books, same movies, and have a desire to do the same things she likes. Travel the world? Tick. Go cycling, camping and hiking? Tick. Love cooking gourmet food? Absolutely. Fine wines? Oh yes, he will have his own vault of million dollar wines. Love family, and family gatherings. Definitely.
The scammer will claim to be of Scottish, German or American descent, yet when you listen to their voice, it is a Nigerian or West African accent. The victim will admit their lover has an accent, but will adamantly claim it is not African.
They will say it is a mysterious accent. Most of the scammers operate out of Lagos, Nigeria. But they can be from anywhere, and also may have a network of contacts in multiple countries, along with multiple other people they are fleecing at the same time.
Why send money to someone you do not know? Such a request should lead to an immediate block, and termination of all further contact. A request for $100 will lead to another request for $1000. If you bought the first excuse, you are likely to buy into the next lie too. In fact, it seems to become an addiction, not only to the love bombing, but also to the drama.
One guy sent a woman a fake cheque (she was a former nurse). She had sent him over $150,000 over the course of a few months. He sent her the fake cheque with a TD bank logo that was made out for 9.7 million dollars. It was not made out to her, so she put it in a safety deposit box, waiting for him to come visit her, so he could cash it, and repay her.
She was urged by a family member to take the cheque to a bank, and see if it was fake, but she was reluctant to do so. She probably knew it was fake, and sure enough it was.
They manage to steal pics from people who have an online presence, and they too, become victims, because often they are married professionals with no intent to be involved in convoluted scams.
They will photoshop passports, drivers licenses, shipping invoices, bank accounts, cheques, airline tickets, and anything else you can think of, all to keep the money coming.
Some people will advise, go ahead and have the online relationship, just don’t send money. But not only is it time consuming, betrayal carries an emotional, and psychological cost that may even be greater than the lost money.
The person ends up feeling deeply ashamed, stupid, and like they have failed their family. It affects their self esteem, and makes them feel broken. If they were recently widowed, it could lead to a complex grief reaction.
Long term betrayal can lead to multiple re-victimizations, and victim blaming. It is very difficult to undo a con that has gone on for a long time, especially one designed to attack, and take over your identity. It seeps into every facet of your life, and can be soul destroying.
Con artists do not care how you feel. They do not care if you are angry. You mean nothing to them, other than how they can exploit you for their own gain. You are an object, like chattel, or for profit merchandise. If you cease to go along with it, they drop you, and move on to the next victim. It is a churn and burn scenario. If they have hooks into your family, they will use them to hold onto you, and put your feet to the fire.
Just because they have manipulated, and toyed with your emotions, does not mean they have any emotional investment in the relationship. They can be callous, and calculating because they have no feelings for you.
Online long distance relationships are like vapour without substance. They can disappear in a keystroke. They go from a mountain of meaning, to the pit of despair, and then poof, they are gone.
The victim has embarked on a hooligan’s journey over the world’s most dangerous love bridge, dangling on the edge of a cliff, until she is forced to cut the rope. The ties that bind, are an emotional and psychological bondage, all crafted in hoopla and fantasy. She is springing for the grand prize, only to discover it is an illusion. A bottomless pit.
Then there is the knowledge that these scams are often tied to large, global organized crime networks. They may have helped move money around, much like a drug mule moves drugs. The outcome for some of the victims is suicide.
We are living in a somewhat altered universe, where things are not always what they appear to be. This is not only the case with brazen scammers, but also with the media, with certain advertising, financial planners, investment advisors, medical advice, and with certain organizations.
Betrayal is painful, and is to be avoided as much as possible. Some people lie without flinching, and make it a lifelong pattern. Guard your heart, as well as your bank account.
A high percentage of chronic liars never get caught, at least not in this lifetime.
Of all things God hates, lying is at the top of the list, so eventually all lies will be exposed.
Proverbs 6:16-19
16 These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
Recently I listened to part of an online sermon, where the preacher adamantly insisted the biblical call to repentance was heresy, and false teaching. He was making the argument that anyone who says the bible advises us to repent of sin, lies, etc. is teaching a false doctrine, and is making the claim that salvation is based on works.
Repentance and forgiveness are closely aligned. According to that preacher, reading the bible would be considered to be works. If people do not hear the gospel message – how can they accept it and believe?
The preacher was not able to differentiate between works, and belief. Nor could he assimilate what the bible teaches, and how he has erred in his own teaching. If he thinks the call to repentance is heresy, what does he think of the instructions in the entire bible?
When we hear God’s word, based on what it says in the bible, it is not works. Listening to, or reading the bible is not works. Faith is not works. Prayer is not works. Thought is not works. Belief is not works. Truth is not works. The fruits of the spirit are not based on works. Avoiding being deceived, is not based on works. It is based on discernment, which is another gift from God.
There are certain denominations, like Calvinism that teaches salvation is based on works, and is never secure. But like many off-base denominations, there is always an element of fear, and often confusion, which do not come from God.
Repentance is not works. It is part of our belief in Jesus, and what He did for us by grace, and as a gift. It is not heresy to teach the importance of repentance. It was the central message that John the Baptist preached. There are hundreds of places in the bible, telling us about the importance of repentance. The preacher who was calling it heresy is the heretic. Once again, it is deception. The following are just a handful of verses that speak to the importance of repentance, and its centrality to the gospel message.
In the book of Revelation, when John gave the message to the seven churches, one after another, he told them to repent.
Many of the following verses are the words of Jesus.
Matthew 4:17 From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Matthew 3:8 Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance:
Luke 13:3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
Luke 5:32 I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.
Revelation 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.
Luke 17:3-4 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
Mark 6:12 And they went out, and preached that men should repent.
2 Timothy 2: 25-26 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
Copyright Valerie J. Hayes and Quiet West (2025). Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author/owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Valerie J. Hayes and Quiet West with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.