The Gabby Petito Case – What On Earth Happened?

This case has caught the attention of people from all over the world. On the surface it may seem like all the media attention is due to the “beautiful young white girl” law of attraction. Although her beauty and youth may be a contributing factor, perhaps it is more about the disturbing depth, and scope of a relationship gone terribly awry. The whole world has now witnessed domestic violence on wheels. Her wheels no less.

It has gripped the nations, to a large extent because the story or script was initiated and portrayed as a love story. We watched it unfold. It was dramatized with adventure, romanticism, and a micro-enterprise production crew to capture all those adventures. It does sound and look quite glamorous.

In reality, traveling in itself is a lot of work. You have to find your way around, locate places to stay, to eat, to do your laundry, to get showered, etc. In the process, you have to keep things very organized, because in a small space, you will end up rummaging constantly, if you do not know where things are.

In addition, all published works – even if they are amateur and low budget, require set-ups, photo shoots, creative layout and design, attractive imagery, titles, poses, and story line. Once you start creating content, the only way to attract and keep followers, is to keep uploading more content. Entertainment has an insatiable appetite for all extremes, and everything in between. The Internet has made it possible for people to set up their own reality road shows, which is great. Or is it?

In what ways are we objectifying not only women, but unrealistic romanticism in relationships going well beyond a honeymoon phase? Is it possible the objectification is what creates a non-sustainable illusion? Would the hard work involved in trying to maintain the form and imagery of romantic illusion every single day, while limited to a small space like a van – eventually take a toll? To be surrounded with wide open spaces, freedom became a trap, with only each other to rely upon. As it turned out, relying on him was the biggest mistake of her life.

This story intrigues us for many reasons. We have all made relationship mistakes, or been humbled by our own illusions or delusions of grandeur. We reach for the stars and fall flat on our face. Yet luckily, most of us do not get murdered as a result of making mistakes in our youth. The polarization involved between what was supposed to be, and what actually happened, is difficult to reconcile.

Some might question if there was any real love between them to begin with. Others might see it as an example of loving too much. What went on behind the scenes, we will never know. The dash cam footage of the police stop is another key contributing factor propelling the fascination with this story. If they really believed Gabby was the aggressor, and had assaulted and scratched him, they should have arrested her. It might have saved her life. It appears the police fell into an old fashioned superficial assessment, as opposed to seeing the gravity of the situation and need for intervention, when they stopped them. But how could they know? No one looks like a murderer until after the fact.

Near the onset of this case, when I saw the dash cam video of the police stop, after she went missing – there was no doubt in my mind, she was dead. There are so many disturbing aspects of the roadside video. Brian had scratches all over him, which is what you usually see in true crime shows when a woman has fought off someone who is trying to strangle her. The entire episode was ominous. Gabby was downplaying it, and taking the blame to protect him. She explained how he grabbed her by the chin. Was it her chin, or her throat he had grabbed?

In sharp contrast, Brian was showing little emotion. I thought it was odd when he refused on two occasions to accept a bottle of water offered to him, while they were standing out in the hot sun for quite some time. I thought it was strange when he showed them scratches on his arm and then mumbled, “Hey I’m not complaining”. What on earth did he mean?

There were several altercations between this couple, witnessed in public places, and serious enough to prompt people to call 911. Imagine how many altercations happened when there were no witnesses to call the police? What about the potential for domestic violence when they were living in his parent’s home, or out in the wilderness somewhere? If they were physically fighting on a regular basis – who was going to win the ultimate fight? She was around 110 pounds.

Did the police really believe a night apart would solve their problems and improve their coping skills? All it did was allow her to be the scapegoat even more. Then she was put right back into the path of danger – even though she was clearly at a breaking point.

The unintended transparency of the police calls, combined with the rosy illusion of a freedom lovers romantic adventure – is a polarity too harsh to process. We see a beautiful innocent young woman with her whole life ahead of her, vibrant and alive one day – and gone the next.

Not only did Brian fail her, but the system failed to protect her. There was no way of escaping the trap, by the end of their trip. The relationship had died. For those with more experience in failed relationships, we know in hindsight if nothing else, that the relationship was failing and falling apart for a long time before it finally hits the brick wall of no return. At a certain point, even in volatile relationships, there is no more breaking up and making up, no more dependency, no more roller coaster rides. The writing is on the wall – Time to ditch it.

Imagine what it was like for Gabby living in a small house with Brian’s parents? It would have been much better for them to get their own place so they could work out their differences in privacy, and maintain the responsibilities of supporting themselves. It sounds like Brian never wanted to support himself, let alone anyone else. As a result, he would have harboured a deep sense of inferiority and resentment when dealing with another persons ambitions in life.

It sounds like Gabby had to flee the relationship several times while living with him at his parent’s place. Even though she had the buoyancy of youth, she must have been fairly downtrodden emotionally and psychologically by the time they embarked on the cross country geographical cure.

However, a long trip is expensive. There is no security of routine or location. There are few support systems, no girlfriends to confide in, and no man cave for him to retreat to in a shared space. They must have been worried about running out of money. It must have taken a great deal of energy to make everything look so attractive and rosy. Making yourself the focus of creative content requires innovation, or you soon run out of ideas. So many attractive young people have lost their lives to Instagram, or some other form of social media fixation.

One young woman on Instagram took a hike near Vancouver to post pictures of herself with the beautiful mountain backdrop. She was fit and full of an adventurous spirit too, but she got lost coming back. It was early spring, and she had no intention of staying the night, therefore was unprepared, and died of hypothermia before she was found.

Many others fell off cliffs, or grabbed live wires trying to get the perfect shot to post on Instagram. The competition for these daring stunts is fierce. Is it worth it? Of course not – but like so many other addictions, self-destruction lurks just below the surface of all things unattainable.

Shannon Watts, who was also murdered by her partner, had a social media persona that displayed a perfect family in a perfectly organized house. On the surface we saw one life, and after the grisly murder of his family – the whole pandora’s box was spilled out. Even so – who could ever fathom such a thing would happen?

Image is everything, until it’s not. We carry a fanciful image of a white picket fence (or van), romantic love, adventure, adoration, beautiful children, and endless memories. For some, it actually materializes. For most, it ends up being a combination of building up and breaking down, when dreams are shattered, and rebuilding is required. It is usually not so catastrophic.

What might have saved Gabby? An escape route of some sort? What a horrible feeling it must have been when he kicked her out of her own van, and she feared he was going to take off without her. She expressed that to the police directly! It was a foreboding level of foreshadowing.

Is Brian a true villain, or is he too a victim of circumstances, and the combined magnification of weaknesses? After learning a bit of his background, it does appear he was immature, selfish, and without any real career or job plans. He also seemed arrogant, insecure, and jealous.

If sinister is a word to be attributed to him, all one has to do is look at the pictures he drew, and the material he was reading and writing. He was dabbling in the occult. It also appears he made mocking comments, and did things to fabricate their whereabouts after she went missing. He showed no remorse.

I question why they did not arrest and question him for stealing her van, when they could not even locate her to ask if it was stolen. Then a month later they indicted him for $1000.00 bank fraud used to obtain items of value. Isn’t a van an item of value? Especially if it is minus the original owner?

If anything positive comes out of this wide publicity, I do hope there is justice for Gabby. I hope this tragedy helps to educate young women on the illusory traps they can enter into, especially when steeped in the emotions of love and romanticism. I hope it serves as a warning to those who take big risks for the perfect shot or image.

Most of all, I hope it strips away the illusion of false love, with beauty and innocence sacrificed not for love – but for control, jealousy, insecurity, and deception. We have to find ways to help young women see the red flags.

To protect women in vulnerable situations like the one Gabby found herself in, there has to be a way to set up an escape route, and find a way out – before it is too late.

This evening there was an announcement about a press conference scheduled for tomorrow at 1pm to give the cause of death. Some have speculated she was shot. John Walsh said she had been beaten to death. I am guessing she was beaten and strangled, with evidence of a fractured hyoid bone in her neck.

Copyright Valerie J. Hayes and Quiet West (2021). Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author/owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Valerie J. Hayes and Quiet West with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.