What Causes Chronic & Highly Manipulative Behaviours?
For most of us, we have either been the one doing the manipulating, or on the receiving end of the manipulation. Often times we do not realize we are being manipulated at the time. It stems from an unhealthy family or workplace dynamic.
Once it becomes chronic, it becomes a pattern of behaviour that can be very destructive. The manipulator becomes very skilled at manipulating.
In big business and politics, it might be viewed as skilled stratagem. It might also be seen as manoeuvring outcomes, or social and political engineering.
Other descriptives are a little more pejorative. Like wheeler-dealer, underhanded, double-crossing, rigging, tricking, setting up, and exploitation.
There is an underlying arrogance based on perceived cleverness, and the sophistication behind the tactics. Also a master manipulator can get countless people to follow along with whatever he is engineering. In many ways he becomes a manipulator mentor as well.
In Psychology Today it is described as follows. I will post the link to the full article at the bottom of the post.
“Chronic manipulation often (but not always) emerges from a highly competitive environment, in which various parties (family members, classmates, coworkers, social groups, societal affiliations, economic interests) jockey for power, influence, resources, and advantage, and where one feels a lack of direct and abundant power/control over a situation. The manipulator, feeling a sense of deprivation, insufficiency, and disadvantage, or conversely craving for more power, influence, and advantage, resorts to cunning and underhandedness in order to attain what he or she desires. Over time, this type of behavior can become chronic and habitual, with inevitable destructive consequences.”
Paradoxically the behaviour stems from a place of powerlessness. It stands to reason that it has its origins in early and learned dysfunctional family dynamics.
A person who feels ignored by his parents, or rejected by his mother, might resort to getting attention in other ways.
Also when there is sibling rivalry, especially when a parent favours one child over another, the competition within the family dynamic can turn toxic.
Typically the one who is favoured gets beat by the one who is not favoured. Parents are not perfect, as we all can attest to. However there is probably no greater damage done to the sibling rivalry, and competition within a family, than when a parent favours one child over another.
If the older children, or the child who is not the favourite one, has had other supportive relationships to help offset the parental adoration of his sibling, it might help him overcome it.
Or if the age difference is large enough so the older child had enough attention in his/her formative years, it might not be as difficult to overcome the sense of unfairness, or perceived rejection.
In families with very limited resources, education, support systems, and wisdom among the adults around them, the dysfunctional dynamics can become ingrained, and even violent.
The outlook for the favoured one becomes very jaundiced, and the perceived fondness soon becomes a major disadvantage.
The difficulty for parents is that no two children are alike, therefore it is very difficult to treat them exactly the same.
Also it is impossible to know how things will be perceived by a child. Perhaps there is no overt favourtism at all, but they feel inadequate in some way. Or they compare themselves to a sibling who might do better in math, sports, school, music etc.
Siblings by nature compete with one another. And in the face of adversity, each one develops his or her own way of coping with the difficulties. In some cases it is a matter of survival. So each one learns what he or she has to do to survive.
Since manipulative behaviours are so common, there are no easy answers when it comes to developing the discernment to recognize and avoid the various pit falls and patterns
The link to the entire Psychology Today article is below: